I cannot find a button on Facebook, or LinkedIn, that says – “No, I don't want to 'friend' my ex-wife, she wants to kill me!”



Ten years on and Facebook, LinkedIn and god knows what other social media tools still ask me if I'd like to connect with ex's and some people I'd really rather not have in my life. Each time the social media systems upgrade their tools they seem to become slightly more invasive and intrude further on my life.

There are times when I feel I am battling Facebook, and that my life is being manipulated by the evil masterminds that choose what news I see. The only thing that's worse is not being able to get onto the net to check my feed.

I recently bought a new car, which I have to say I am extremely happy with. My Buick Verano is amazing. However, for the first month I was greeted with a female voice asking, “Would you like to activate your Onstar membership?” She asked it in sultry tones which I did find strangely appealing. If I play my cards right I think I might be in with a shot at her.

However, after a month of listening to her invitation the novelty began to get old, and I ended up calling Onstar and getting signed up. It's amazing. The only thing missing is that I can't customize the greeting. Having given this a great deal of thought, and taken advice from one of the leading members of my therapy team at Vancouver Hypnotherapy, I have decided I may try and find a way to hack the system.

Aigin suggested a message that starts something like this: “Hello Rob, I've been waiting for you...” or “So, you're back... I was hoping you'd swing by...”

More disturbingly, “Rob, where have you been?” or “Have you been out with .... . What does she have that I don't?”

This sort of mood enhancing greeting would be very welcome, though I can see how such technologies could go badly wrong as the technologies converge. If Facebook can't figure out that my ex-wife might be someone who has no desire to 'connect' with me, then the signs are not positive. You'd think that by linking to her Amazon account and seeing that during the currency of our marriage her propensity to buy books about common garden plants that can be used as poisons, and true life stories about wives who murdered their spouses and got away with it, there may be some sort of deduction that could be made.

I love the idea of my car developing personality, though. However, I can also see how, if it fell into the wrong hands this kind of interactive technology could go badly wrong. While linking to my calendar would provide a benefit, the car knowing where we are meant to be certainly sounds an attractive idea, there could be some troublesome downsides. After all, how long would it be before my interactive system linked to my Facebook account and started asking if I'd like to visit my ex wife's address should I be nearby? Or worse, started to voice her most common greetings and comments?

“Hello Rob, where are we going tonight?”

“Errr..... just out...”

“And you're wearing that?”

I have noticed that the car does know when I have a passenger. It's very cool. It turns on the passenger airbags automatically when it senses two people in the car. So, how long is it before the greeting defaults to, “I see you have a 'friend' with you...”

If it's weight calibration is very accurate it might even be able to recognize how often each regular passenger rides in my vehicle.

“Hmmm... her again... Is there anything you want to tell me about, Rob?'

Tie that in with a satellite location system, and aggregated data and it's only a short step to the predictive modeling solution that ends up in a conversation that goes a little like this:

After stopping and picking up a passenger from a particular location the car connects to a central data system and returns with the message;

“Hello Rob, 29.3% of drivers who picked up a passenger at this location subsequently booked an appointment with the Adult Health Clinic within three months, and with a divorce lawyer within six. Would you like me to arrange those appointments now?”

While I can manage technology up to a point, hearing this message might be a little unsettling for the passenger, particularly if it's one of my daughters.

Scaling back my social media is definitely a priority over the next few months. In the meantime, the voice in the car still sounds like the best offer I've had all day.

Rob Hadley
http://VancouverHypnotherapy.Org






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